Border Patrol

I have always understood one fundamental thing, both in life and in love, that there is a clear and distinct line that separates that which is right from that which is wrong, like oil and water or black and white. But although the divide is as clear as glass, how is it that some people still knowingly choose what is contrary to their moral beliefs? And the answer begins with you...

I was asked a question, about absence in a relationship, and about the causes of unfaithfulness and infidelity. The cause will always be the same...Its not distance or neglect, or taunting or differences, its a lack of communication and border patrol. Morals and the sentiment attached to them have always been the foundations of a society's conscience, but border patrol and law and order or the things that hold it in place. Nobody will know to choose right from wrong, until they know the implications involved in choosing the latter, or what it would mean to the affected person/s, and even more so, how much choosing the right thing please the person/s who benefit.

You see, the only time someone begins to question whether or not they can choose wrong from right, is when they are tolerated the options, and when there are no clear boundaries separating the two. There is no excuse for infidelity or unfaithfulness, but its not infidelity if nobody says its so...

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Heart-Felt

Something I've learned in Life and especially through being in a relationship, is that somehow in all the instant messaging and telecommunications, society has somehow handicapped itself from its general ability to communicate sensibly, passionately, and overall effectively. And one has to wonder how a species so far up the chain of evolution, has evolved into a state where its grown incapable of communicating and processing information through the basic channel of person to person conversation.

And to make it worse, its no surprise that in these times we find couples celebrating month to month anniversaries, instead of celebrating the annual tradition, simply because its considered a triumph when a couple makes it passed a single month! But the truth is, relationships cannot last without the basic concept of communication, so why then do we act so surprised when they fail to last?

So here's the absolute truth...Couples will often say that they communicate...But really, do they? Whoever said you listen, feel and communicate with you ears, hands and mouth? You 'hear' with your ears, but listen with your heart. You touch with your hands, but feel with your heart. You speak with your mouth, but communicate with your heart...In all things, especially relationships, wisdom and understanding begins with communication...So open your heart and listen to life, feel your passion and communicate in love.

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Expect The Excepted

Ghandi once wrote about every man loving his neighbour, and that the result would be that no man would be without love. Muhammed wrote about loving ones enemies, so that you may receive love unconditionally in return from Allah. Christ wrote about loving your neighbour as you love yourself, as he loved the the church. But one way or the other, it all begins with YOU.

If we, ourselves do not know the meaning of Love, then how can we be expected to show it to another? And Love they say, begins with knowing who we are, and if we do not know that, then how can we know of Love? But in order to know ourselves, we have to bode questions, and it is this that people fear...Questioning oneself. You see, the thing we fear is not what we'll find once we start asking questions about who we are, it's about what we won't find that scares us. We fear that we'll discover that all the things that we thought make up who we are, is in fact not there, and that this whole time we've been living the illusions of who we want to be, who we thought we were, and in essence...living in the contrary.

Yes, Love requires Introspection, and is mandatory in a relationship, and cannot be excluded or excepted in the discovery of Life. When Introspection becomes an exception, then the only choice left from a small selection of Life choices, is to choose not to Love. And the only thing then left to question is this...Is Life and Living really worth not loving in?

The Green Grass

Now there's a tale about a place that too many long to be. Its the place we've all imagined ourselves in, hoped to reach, envy those we thought were there, and desperately strive to grab onto the things we think will get us closer there. We've convinced ourselves into believing that all of life, all our efforts and endeavours, all our successes and achievements must all grow towards the ideals and ideas of that particular place, and even if we couldn't get there, we would make whichever sacrifices were needed in order to get as close to it as we could and simply call the race the pursuit of happiness.

Yes we've all heard of the magnificence and the lush of the green grass in that place we call The Other Side, beyond our reaches, across the mysterious fence. Indeed, heard of it, but has anyone ever really been there? I can't understand what on earth the big fuss is about climbing a fence just to get to a place so that you could enjoy the 'splendours' of smelling the lawn and lying on turf! And then there are those who know they can't reach it, so they copy the Jones' and attempt to grow some green grass of their own, only because that's the idealised image of a rumoured success.

Yes, as the song goes...Someone once told me the grass was much greener on The Other Side, but I paid a visit, and it's possible I missed it, it's not different, it's exactly...the same.

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Weeds

In the lush of the Amazon, or the barren Sahara, from the frosty Everest, even to the scorching Equator, no set of conditions in nature has stopped the spread and devastation of weeds. They sprout out from the soil of the earth, grasping and clinging tightly to the ground, firmly holding their position and ensuring once they're there, they'll stay.

And like the common garden weeds, we sometimes find in Life and living, that the most dangerous ones, are those you can't detect at all. The grow in and onto your life, like parasites, stealing the goodness from the blossoming flora that you've nurtured in your life, tirelessly, endlessly, relentlessly and positively. Some of them impersonating the roles of good plants, and others just tangling their roots around yours, claiming to offer you a better Life with them, than that without.

But as any gardener will tell you, and any florist knows, it takes a good amount of pruning and weeding to grow. That only through experience you learn to tell the weeds from the willows, and you'll learn which flowers are there to benefit your Life, and which ones must go.

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Obstacle Course

Life, like an unending road, stretches on over hills, through valleys, over mountains, past rivers and along many seas. And as it winds around its curves and passes through its caverns, it too faces the harsh weathers that blow through life, unleashing many storms, scorching heat, cracks along its path and potholes in its paves.

But every now and then, we have to face the unnatural obstacles along the road of Life, the hurdles placed there by the people we encounter in our lives. And stretching over these countless hurdles can become immensely exhausting, but strengthens our muscles to better our performance as we journey along Life. So what benefit then do the other obstacles on that road bring us? Like the boulders we hit time and time again. And like the mountains we have in the world today, which have grown so enormous that we had to assign names, so do we too assign names to our obstacles.

I haven't many obstacles, but by now a fair few. Like "Failure", "Ugly", "Stupid", "Naïve", "Desperate", "Privileged", "Ulterior Motives", "Live Your Life"...But today I found that my most challenging one, caught me totally off guard..."Abusive". Hurdles can build us, and teach us to jump higher in Life...But what do we do with the weight of an unshakeable, unbreakable, heart-hitting boulder?
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Forget To Remember

Sometimes in life we reach a place where we realise that the only thing we're really doing, isn't living, but rather learning...and furthermore...learning how to shield ourselves, protect our hearts, avoid and run away from painful and traumatic experiences. And really, it's not the initial shock of the experience or the sting of a cold dagger puncturing our hearts, but rather the festering wound that we later have to live with. And every time you find yourself going through the motions of a similar experience, or find yourself treading on familiar territory, your mind wakes up and goes back to the place you once were before, and the icy discomfort of an anxious heart sends pins and needles surging through your body, and the only physical action you can possibly muster up, is the only thing you haven't forgotten how to do after your body freezes up and mind goes blank, is to empty your tear ducts...and cry...

Yes, sometimes your body, your heart and your mind, learns to develop a series of systems that are designed to safeguard your life from going through further traumatic experiences, by using your worst fears and your darkest memories like an alarm system to warn you when danger is near, and to keep the things that could potentially hurt you at bay. But how can we hold on to any new experiences, good memories and sweet, stolen moments, when our hearts are to full to accommodate anything other than the bad memories therein, like unwelcome tenants that are simply stuck in our lives...We cannot possibly catch a little bit of hope with hands grasping so tightly onto despair.

So I guess you could say that the only solution is to learn to move forward, to let live and let go. And yes, it never hurts to be cautious and careful, and to be wise in everything we say and do, it's just part of protecting ourselves against a very real and scary world. But we should never fool ourselves into caging our hearts into clear cut, glass boxes that we never use. Sometimes it's good to remember to forgive, to remember to forget, and even wiser to forget to remember...

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