Test Pattern

As an absolute fan of all the latest and greatest in technological enhancements we find in the world today. Whether it be communication, accessibility, finance, medical, entertainment, art, commercial or residential...Everything has been turned into a three-ringed technological circus! As if humanity took one big bite out of a science-fiction novel, and regurgitated all the fancy stuff we see today...Now I have found that my life has become quite dependant on all this technology, and even my emotional stability and relationships have become reliant upon the international super highway...otherwise known as...the Internet.

You see, with everything becoming so convenient, so extravagant and so fast-paced, somehow we've all forgotten exactly how to communicate on human levels...Nobody talks anymore, we 'chat'...Nobody listens anymore, we 'download'...Nobody sees anymore, we google...Nobody is present anymore, we're simply 'Available'...Yes, everyone's kept their 'Busy' icons on for far too long in life, and now we've found that our 'Contacts' have all been reduced to a global social network, and that somehow the planet has shrunk...Everyone knows everyone, from some place nobody knows about...

But today I stand 'Blocked' from the world, left without that 'Wi-Fi' connection from the people and places I deeply care about...Or at least, not people but the one person I need...Left with only one thought "Subscriber Unavailable"...No, you cannot 'Unfriend' Life, and you cannot 'Block' Circumstance, and you'll never be able to 'Deactivate' yourself from the journey that you're meant to walk along...Try as you might, you have to be strong, and if you lose your signal, your beacon of hope...its easy to find, it'll always be the...Just turn the switch and look for the Test Pattern.

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Spare Parts

I've always been the type of person who enjoys being part of a project. Whether it be the one initiating everything, coordinating anything, facilitating something or forming part of a group of things, but one way or another, simply being involved...Just the idea and the feelings of knowing that you play a role in the happening of something that matters to someone...anyone...or maybe even everyone...Either way, I have always enjoyed being involved. I suppose you could call it a lack of attention, or a want to be wanted, but whatever it is, I have it.

And of course things couldn't be better for a person who needs to be needed, especially in a world filled with dissatisfied needs, and even more so, someone who enjoys building and bonding in relationships, since those are the types of projects that usually last the longest, require the most maintenance, and will always have capacity for another need...But unfortunately, like every other avid contractor, project manager and all-rounder team player, who all dread a single acronym in the world of construction and projects...D-I-Y...And the phrase "I can do it myself"...

No there is no " I " in "TEAM", and certainly not an "M" or "E" in "Unity"...So why then is it, that when emotions become unstable, and when a partner loses the drive, the ego boost, the utility belt in the 'Project', do the letters in "Relationship", curiously change to "D-I-Y"? And now suddenly I find myself feeling excluded, feeling un-involved, feeling like the last thing you find in a building project...Yes, all of a sudden I find myself simply feeling like "spare parts".
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Amplified Silence

I have learnt that everything in the universe emits a unique and particular sound...a series of vibrations, squashed together that form waves of sound. Now I have come to know a very particular sound in my life, and it too has a very unique series of vibrations, in fact it has one long flat line...it’s called the sound of silence. And it’s not the kind of silence you get when you take away all the noise, the music, the ambience or the voices in the room. It’s the kind of silence you get when you take away the beautiful sound that once came from a thing, a place, a person...that once occupied a special space.

Now unlike music on a radio, or the volume on a television...this is the kind of sound that cannot be toned down, or turned off, or drowned out or blocked at all. You see most sounds come from a place on the outside, in a place, in an environment, from an external source...but this kind of sound came from a place much closer to home, much closer to me, from me, part of me, inside me, the only part inside me that really counts...my heart...my soul...and it has a name...Love.

To make matters worse, the sound that once occupied the space, the place...my heart...was the one thing that drowned out the noise in my life, the distractions, the problems and the moments where things seemed like they couldn’t possibly get worse...and now the sound is gone, and in its place...Silence...the chilling hush of a scary hum...like the low frequency sound that comes from a speaker playing absolutely nothing. And lately the sound of the silence has been growing louder, becoming more apparent, and almost deafening. Yes there’s nothing more annoying, more distracting and depressing than the sound of the emptiness...when silence is amplified.